I received a request to tell a story of a memorable gift that I received.
When the word gift came to me, I thought first of something physical, something
that was life changing. No physical item came to mind. I let the idea sit
in the back of my mind for a day. Nothing came. Then I expanded my thinking
to include those things non-physical. A whole horizon appeared to me as I
have received innumerable non-physical gifts. These gifts created the enormous
extension of my humanity and fulfilling untold magic in this short period
I have on earth. These gifts I cannot physically describe, as physical things
are easiest for me to describe. The non-physical have always been hard for
me to formularize, as I just feel them. This untold wealth can never be truly
told, as words always let us down in expressing feeling. I do know on reflection
of the experiences in my life that no physical gift could possibly come close
to just one subtle smile. I will tell you about a gift, given in love, which
I hold dear and use every day to enrich my life. I am able to feel and to
love seeing it in others.
This is a short story of love. Love given by gentle instructions. It happened over many years in small doses. Let me say it with a poem, as I feel comfortable there.
Receiving Gifts
In all life we give thanks,
And
thanks are the grace,
Of life's happiness.
In life the generous output of gift,
Given with joy
and enthusiasm,
Is the greatest joy of life.
A gift is the joy to the extent,
Elation if given
in receipt,
As heaven's vision needs others.
Let us practice every day,
Giving loves gifts
to those around us,
By loving admiration toward others.
And equal in as much importance,
Practice daily
giving exuberantly,
Showing another your care.
In receiving gifts in joyous splendor,
And in your exultant
joy,
Maximizing others caring gifts.
Roland
James February 3, 2002
The first time I brought a gift to Teri, my lady, my friend and my life's true love, overwhelming made me happy with her enthusiastic and joyous acceptance of my gifts. I was a true hero. I knew at that exact moment I was the greatest of all nobility, and knew absolutely that I was the perfect gift giver. From the moment I knew Teri, to today, her truly felt acceptance of my gifts have left me in awe.
I always thought my courteous receipt of gifts was just the same, as I loved the gifts given me. It surprised me when I heard my son tell Teri when I was supposedly out of hearing distance. "Mom, didn't Dad like my gift?" he asked. This broke my heart, as I loved it. I told him so when I received it. Well as soon as I had a private moment with Teri I asked her what was wrong. She gently said, "I'm sorry love, but you don't show much enthusiasm for the gifts you receive." I asked her what I could do. Her instructions were so beautifully given, and so gentle, that I will remember it always the message in her gift of well-chosen words.
"Roland, to get the significance of a gift, it must be received with true joyous reception. People love to give and the joyous receipt of gifts is one of life's greatest joys for them. I know you, and know how you feel, Mark doesn't. He loves you so much and wants you to love his gifts. You have to show with display, honest exaggerated exuberance so he will know you truly love the gift. Your show of true joy must light up heaven and earth for him. Remember always in your mind as you open or received gifts the loving care that someone took. They gave their precious time to pick out a gift they thought you would like. It is a reaching out and an acknowledgement that you existed in their thoughts." Teri told me. Well, the gift of this small gentle truth was all that I needed. I then became a student at RECEIVING gifts.
Receiving gifts is an art form. As I watched people receiving gifts I have become the detailed observer of the recipient of gifts. Although there is no right way of receiving gifts, I saw how others reacted as their gifts were received. I found some small physical things that some did that seem to give a great additional pleasure to those giving the gifts. Some may think these gestures are phony. I do not consider giving others more joy phoniness. I consider ever act, every show of appreciation, the art form of gift receiving. If you chose special gestures phony, fine, however it works, it gives joy and it adds value to others life. If you wish added joy to other's life, just do it. (Call it anything you like). What I found as I incorporated observed techniques into my life is that they became habit and then joyous as I did them. I like to call it "Practiced Uncomfortable Learned Actions".
. I now repeated the show of appreciation that was the gift given to me by Teri. When I first did it I played as an actor on stage using these observed techniques. It was wonderful. I saw the smile of a gift, well received, on their face. Wow, I liked this. It may be uncomfortable and it paid off in spades by doubling and tripling the pleasure of the gift received. The discomfort left and it became very comfortable for me. Performances quietly became as natural as riding a bike. Don't think about your actions, become the action. Now my gift to others is my appreciations of the gifts given to me.
A poem will help in getting you started on your path of admiration therapy. After my small poems just watch those who give you joy in receiving gifts, replicate it with your personality added and give it back to others. This gift as Teri gave it me can be your gift to others.
Showing Joy
A slight smile,
An eyebrow raised,
A smile truly given,
With joy from the heart.
Looking right in the eye,
A continued
smile,
Giving the extra look at your gift,
Holding eyes they're an extra moment.
Then a slight delays when looking up,
A
small delayed moment,
Knowing
your eyes are watered,
You give inner thanks for this one gift.
Gently you say in a quiet clear tone,
Happy you have
someone giving to you,
This one gift, this one important gift,
It's absolutely fantastic, fantastic.
Roland James February 3, 2002