Fear's Magic Power

As your guide has only his life to use as a known example, you get to hear some yarns of bygone days.

And he'll probable have his yarns all fouled up. He can't remember the time of the day most of the time.

As a Naval aviator going to Vietnam, I had special training in survival and simulated POW (prisoner of War) camp. This was to test my ability to direct fear.

Years before I had two encounters with fear, which made fear and me very close.

At about 6 years old the neighbor kids and I went to a Saturday movie at the local theatre. They were showing horror films. I left the theater a little frightened. This didn't stop me from bragging to my friends about how I was not frightened. At that exact moment two friends, who had come out earlier, jumped out of the bushes with a blood curdling scream and grabbed me. I went right into the middle of fear. I became so afraid my heart missed a beat. I fell to my knees and almost passed out from fear. I knew in that moment, I could have been lost in fear. My mind's stream went into the middle of fear. I knew if I did not come out I would be there forever. I learned later in life about shell shock veterans who have terminally lost all outside consciousness. Men who were lost in pain.

The acquaintance with intensified fear remains with me. From that moment until I learned to direct it, I avoided most fellow students, friends, teachers, almost anyone and everything.

My first efforts were to control it, to put it down, to repress it, to mentally not think it. The more I suppressed it, attempted control, the stronger fear became.

This was one of my first mental explorations. I looked at not repressing it or controlling it. I started mentally flowing with it and then directing it. As I felt fear rising to my body, tensing, I would join fear as a swimmer in a flowing stream. I would then mentally angle out of fear's path. I sometimes would visualize myself on a boat floating in fear, living with fear. I would then slowly, gently move to another part of the stream where fear was not present.

With that first encounter, I learned how to magically use one primary.

My second encounter to share with you was to fight for breath in a mummy sleeping bag. Sounds weird now. A sleeping bag named mummy. I now use a quilted one. The one I called mummy was a government issue WWII green three-part bag. The outer layer was canvas, the middle layer wool and the third layer canvas again. To get in on a very cold night you zip up each layer independently. All the layers zip up independently to a very small face hole.

The mummy bag I bought at the war surplus store was made for the average size WWII 5' 4'' frame. It was small. When sleeping on a cold night I wasn't sure I felt warmer inside the bag than out. On one special night, I found was my friend fear.

While sleeping in the bag one very cold night I woke up to find myself without air. I tried to move, I could not. I instantly became fear. I would actually classify it as terror. It was the terror of uncontrolled panic. In the first moments I did not remember where I was. Death was imminent to my mind.

My fear tool kit saved me. I was immersed in fear. If fear had taken over I would not be writing this. I would have panicked and struggled into shock and suffocation. As with all moments of great fear, you remember them in minute detail for your entire life. I became one with fear then, I joined fear, I flowed with fear. Slowly, as I moved in fears flow, my body unlocked and I could control movement of only my head. The rest of my body was locked in a strangled hold of twisted canvas and wool. I slowly moved my head just a fraction of an inch. Nothing! No breath! Flow, stay with the flow, be one with fear, love fear, be fear.

I slowly moved my head a fraction of an inch the other direction. Nothing! No breath! Flow, stay with the flow, be one with fear, love fear, be fear. Just gently flow to your quiet space. I started to move my head back the other way slowly, very slowly. I did not want to get tangled and lose all movement. Then, as I moved my head I felt a slight cool feeling on my lips. I pushed out my tongue. It moved some canvas material. I felt my first small breath. Always one with fear, I did not take deep breaths as it might pull the thin canvas over my mouth again. I then took my first slow deep breaths. I slowly untangled my fingers one at a time. I then made room for my hands. I continued moving slowly so I did not lose my air passage I slowly freed myself and turned around to face the small face hole. Then I slowly found the zippers.

Those were my memories of fear as the survival camp guards pushed me into a room with a small box shaped like a coffin. The coffin had a lock on it. They pushed me over to the box, opened it and forced me in. I was pushed down, face first. I felt the top of the coffin being pushed down on my back. I heard the lock snap. Fear slammed me. This time I was prepared and joined fear, flowed with fear, became fear instantly.

There was air in this box. I could breathe. Just flow with fear, become one with fear and slowly move to back into my quiet spot.

l

Know fear, be with fear, love fear. In knowing fear, we own fear and it does not own us. It can enter our being. We can intrude on its' being. We can become friends, lovers, in an unsettling way.